Everytime the other clan members spoke of being parents they always seemed to have a certain light in their eyes. They would cuddle and coddle and love on their litters day in and day out, even Venomrose seemed to have to parenthood with ease. So why was everything so much harder for Spottedkoi, she used to be scared of having to lead the clan one day but now her kits scared her more than anything. The molly felt more like a milk bag to her future warriors than a mother to her children. When she looked at them she didn't feel that overwhelming joy, really she didn't feel much of anything when she looked at them. Seeing her spawn snuggling so close to her mate was a view she enjoyed though, seeing how happy they had been when their kits were born, seeing Venomrose grow into the role of main parent helped ease some of the tension Spottedkoi was drowning in when she first gave birth. There were not enough words in the world to thank them.
Spottedkoi didn't interact with the children much, they were so small and fragile, she was scared she might hurt them. However on quiet nights like this when the kits were sound asleep Spottedkoi liked to practice just being closer to them. She crouched down a few paws away from her litter, slowly inching her way towards the small bodies, her noise barely touching the small tom kit they named Sparkkit nose. The small squeak her son made caused the molly to retreat from the kittens, a heavy sigh escaping her muzzle. A sorrow filled glaze over her eyes, exiting the den needing a moment to recollect her thoughts away from the clostrophic walls of the den. Enjoying the soft breeze as it softly ruffled her fur, ”I’m failing as a parent aren’t I?” Her question was directed at anyone in particular but mostly a question for herself, a question she wished she could ask her dads if they were here.
Spottedkoi wanted to express her worries to her mate, but they were already so busy taking care of their litter and healing the clan. Spottedkoi was determined to overcome her obstacle on her own. She knew deep down she loved her spawns, but it was just…hard for her to express her love like the other mothers did.