H O N E Y W I S P
It felt wrong to be making her way through the woods, as if her paws were stepping over foreign ground. Well, technically, they were. To be in SkyClan territory as a RiverClan cat went against everything she was taught since she was young, her morals and values swaying against the uncomfortable scenery while her mind ran a mile a minute.
Since the avalanche in RiverClan overtook their camp, the RiverClan cats had taken a stay with SkyClan in the meantime. After his most recent check-up, Rainysky had permitted Darktorrent to go out and take a walk on his own. Much to her surprise, though, he had asked her to accompany him. In all honesty, being asked out by the former leader was the last thing Honeywisp expected. Somehow, someway, even after he had promised her to talk things through, part of her anticipated never seeing him again.
The poor plump little she-cat kept opening her jaws to speak and then closing them a moment later as she found herself at a loss for words. Perhaps Darktorrent didn't know what to say either, for the two of them walked in silence nearly all the way to the waterfall that plummeted down near the edge of SkyClan territory.
H O N E Y W I S P
An exhale of amusement left the plump molly at Darktorrent’s contempt for the stars. She couldn’t blame him for doubting the reliability of their ancestors. They hadn’t been very kind to him lately. The RiverClan feline’s clear gaze returned to the tom as he began to speak of failing his family. A frown tugged at her face but she didn’t say anything until he finished speaking.
“If you weren’t hurt, I’d smack you across the head for talking about yourself like that,” she seethed softly. Honeywisp confronted him with her furrowed face, unwilling to relinquish Darktorrent from her piece of mind. “If you had been any faster, there’s a chance you’d both be dead now. Leapingfish wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“He loved you unconditionally as your son,” she scolded him, “ You were there when it mattered most, you were there to raise him, to nurture him and love him. You gave him confidence and provided him with the ability to provide for himself. I’m sure he knows that you did your best at every turn. He wouldn’t have asked any more from you.”
“You need to stop beating yourself like this. Give yourself a break. You’re not StarClan. You’re not invincible. There’s only so much we’re capable of as mortals.” She softened up, her face growing somewhat somber as she added, “We’re all just doing our best to survive. That’s life sometimes. The fact that you’re still here is something that should be celebrated. Don’t give up, okay?”
Darktorrent sighed heavily as he followed Honeywisp's gaze towards the heavens. He held back a snort of contempt as she brought up the stars. The stars had been rather unfairly cruel to him the last few moons. The dark tabby's large body flopped to the side, and he rolled over onto his back, reaching towards the darkening expanse with an outstretched paw. His claws flexed, as if he was pretending that the stars slowly becoming visible in the evening sky were fish in the river.
"If I could jump to the stars, I'd give them a piece of my mind. I don't know if they'd even listen, though," he mused, exhaling from his nose as he lowered his paw to his chest, using the tips of his claws to absentmindedly play with the long, wispy fur there. "The thing is... I could've gotten over being an unfit leader. I didn't even want to be leader in the first place... but I'm ashamed of myself for failing my family."
His eyes squeezed shut and his tail lashed briefly as he brought his paw up to touch the healing wound on his head. He couldn't get Leapingfish's fearful look out of his mind. It was the last thing he saw before that rock knocked him out. "Part of me knows its not my fault... but maybe if I had been faster, Leapingfish would still be here. I don't care what anyone says, He was my son and always will be, but I failed him when he needed me the most." His eyes began stinging with tears once more, and he wiped them away with his paw. "I just hope he'll be willing to forgive me whenever I see him again..."
H O N E Y W I S P
Oh, no, oh, stars, oh no.
The minute Darktorrent’s voice cracked and his composure shattered, her heart broke. If she thought that she was shaken before, she was most certainly done for now. Whether this was a classic case of “if you cry, I cry” or if her friend simply couldn’t keep his indifferent façade up any longer, Honeywisp felt responsible. Had she pushed too far?
It hurt her to know that he was in so much pain, and to understand deep down that there was nothing she could really do to ease his suffering. The dull ache that echoed in her chest at seeing him like this reawakened an old feeling that she had been trying for many years to bury. She stayed quiet, letting him get out his feelings and vent as he needed to, staying by his side and offering her silent support as he spoke. Darktorrent might feel that the weight of a heart was too much to bear, but for her it wasn’t. Honeywisp realized, all over again, that she would do anything for him.
“You’re not a loser.” She stated firmly, her eyes locked onto the back of his head, as he was facing away from her to hide his tears. “You were thrust into a tough situation, following Wisteriastar’s paws. She was hard on everyone, but she was especially hard on you, because you were her deputy. All of RiverClan knew she had high expectations... I don’t think I ever met them,” she breathed a chuckle. Honeywisp never had excelled as a warrior like her friend had. She considered herself lucky that RiverClan didn’t consider her dead weight by now. “But she wouldn’t have left you in charge if she didn’t believe in you, I know that for a fact.”
“Knowing your limits does not make you a failure.” Honeywisp’s clear blue eyes scanned upwards to the sky. “I know that no matter how hard I try, I can’t jump to the stars. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t give it everything I have in me to try every day, right? Even if it’s not possible. Other cats may think of me a fool, but I’m sure there’s someone out there that would admire my bravery for trying.”
“That’s how I think of you. I think you’re amazing,” she confessed. She always had, ever since they were little, and that hadn’t changed.
A small noise of surprise escaped Darktorrent when Honeywisp's face fell into his shoulder. "I..." He didnt know what to say. Whatever reaction he had expected from his old friend, it wasnt this. Though, the little she-cat had always been a bleeding heart, even when they were kits. He didn't think it was a bad thing, not at all... but comforting his peers had never been one of his strong suits. As he listened to her words, his throat began to feel tight and his eyes started to sting.
"Honeywisp, I can't ask you to do that," he mewled, voice breaking. It wasn't hard to see that the dark tabby's walls were crumbling against his will. "I-It's too m-m... too much." He turned his head to break eye contact, but didnt back away from her. He just needed a moment to rein it in before too much his mind and soul spilled out onto the stones... but it began dripping out anyway. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he stared at some random rock on the opposite bank.
"All those times I wished I could be a nobody again after I became deputy... I never meant I wanted to be a loser. It's not fair. I did my best, I tried to do all the right things... why wasn't I good enough?" Shame radiated off the poor tom, both at his failure at being leader and at his current pathetic behavior. He was mewling and trembling like an upset kitten in front of a cat he hadn't held a meaningful conversation with in seasons. How much lower could he possibly go? He managed to draw in a sharp, shaky breath and get some semblance of control of himself, but tears still dripped down his cheeks. "I... I'm sorry that you're seeing me like this," he croaked, bringing a paw up to attempt to dry his eyes.
H O N E Y W I S P
Honeywisp’s heart pounded with anticipation as they headed towards the waterfall, and it pounded even harder when Darktorrent invited her to sit beside him without prompt or hopeful expectancy on her part. She took the invitation and moved to take her place by his side. The little cat didn’t know what she expected, or why she was so nervous to be around him now when she wasn’t before. She just knew that something about the conversation they would have today would be different than the one they had a couple of days ago — one in which they would be baring their hearts out to one another. Such a conversation was always nerve-wracking, but it was even more so when you saw it coming.
Then green and blue clashed when their eyes met and Darktorrent’s expression hollowed. He began to explain things out to her about his life and why things had taken the turn they had for him. Honeywisp remained silent as she listened to him talk, she took in the words he said and the volume they held, the impact these circumstances took on his life and how they shaped them into the man he was today. Her heart swelled with empathy when he spoke about his father and how he treated them. He shouldn’t have had to go through that, she felt. She never even knew. But I suppose that’s because he shielded me from it. He protected me, all these years… To take all of that abuse on by himself, she couldn’t even imagine how much pain he had to have been in.
Her forehead bumped against his shoulder, her brows furrowed as if she were in pain for him. She didn’t even think about it, she just wanted to soothe his grief. But even when she realized what she had done, she didn’t pull away. She didn’t want to. If he hated her for pushing boundaries too soon, then so be it. “You don’t have to suffer in silence anymore,” she breathed, “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”
When she turned to look up at him, her eyes were clear and glassy, swollen with tears that promised to fall any moment now. Her lip quivered with little sobs that so desperately wanted to break loose as she held them back. “You’ve done enough by yourself, let me protect you now.” She promised, holding firm despite her shaken composure.
Darktorrent's whiskers twitched as he sat by the waterfall, using his tail to invite Honeywisp to sit beside him. He sat quietly for a while, simply listening to the sounds around him. He missed home. He missed his life before becoming leader of RiverClan. He wished Wisteriastar had never chosen him as her successor. Eventually he sighed softly, then finally turned to look at his companion as he spoke. "Well, I suppose I'd better start talking," he hummed, curling his tail over his paws. "I'm sure you remember my father. He's not a cat easily forgotten." Darktorrent's face darkened as he spoke about the departed tom. Nobody in the clan necessarily missed Stonefall, but no one except a small pawful of cats actually knew just how terrible the tom really was.
"I.... never told you the full truth about him and how he treated me and my siblings. To you he was super strict and rude, but to us.... he was like a starving badger in an unguarded nursery." The dark tom frowned, claws flexing slightly. "I know if I had just told you, or the clan leader, or literally anybody else, something could have been done to put a stop to it, but I was... so scared. Especially when it came to you. I didn't want you to get hurt, so instead I pushed you away. I figured it would be best if there was just no risk of you finding out and getting involved at all." He began using a claw to absentmindedly trace shapes in the dirt as he tried to collect his thoughts. "By the time that he finally died, we hadn't spoken in so long that I assumed you wouldn't want anything to do with me..." He looked back up at Honeywisp, offering her a sad smile. The tom just had an air of sadness about him in general nowadays. "I thought about you a lot, and I truly did want to reach out myself, but I didn't want to reopen any old wounds... and then life happened. You know how-" he made a vague gesture with his paw "-all that turned out. My private life hasn't exactly been, well, private lately."