The moon hung high over the sky, casting beams of silver light between the towering pines. The cave twinkled in the blooming light, casting a shadow over a lone she-cat who sat at the mouth of the cave. Her gaze was trained on the sky, as if she were waiting for someone. The calico molly stood up when pawsteps began approaching, her melancholy shifting into frustration as her quarry passed on by. Waiting until he had padded by, she stepped from the shadowed mouth of the cave.
"Nightstorm," She started, her voice tense. Having left her remaining kits in camp under the protection of the other queens, Mapledawn had to confront the large tom about his behaviour. "You have some explaining to do." Her stubby tail lashed irritably as she padded toward him, her shoulders bunched.
Her kits had started noticing the way the two had become distant. Mapledawn was hurt, first two of her kits had been given to Thunderclan, and now Nightstorm had distanced himself without a word. The queen puffed out her chest, trying to hide the way her paws shook and her heart fluttered anxiously in her chest.
"You haven't even looked at me since Lightkit and Owlkit were taken. Have I done something wrong? Are you blaming me for what happened?" Her eyes were shimmering with hurt, the moonlight making her tears glint. "You were always around the nursery, Acornkit and Squirrelkit need you. I need you. At least tell me if you aren't interested in us any more."
Her eyes were pleading,
"Please."
Her touch quelled hisninner storm. Though a slight quiver of his whiskers betrayed ripples of anger yet to subside, he gave way to the reprieve that she offered, his large form deflating noticeably as his anger drained away.
“You are too forgiving, my lady.” He murmured, even as he rejoiced that he was not to be cast out of her life. It was a guilty sort of pleasure, one he felt that he ill deserved.
“Lightkit was a child. It should have never been up to her!” He protested, pulling away to gaze into her eyes sorrowfully. “They’re cowards for placing the burden on a child’s shoulders. How are we to know she won’t regret her choice someday? I know I had wild enough dreams at her age.”
Nightstorm sighed, placing his chin between her ears to rest on her crown.
“I will be whatever you wish me to be. Even if I am undeserving of it.”
To see such a strong, brave warrior all-but cowering under her gaze was not a feeling that Mapledawn enjoyed. If she were the sun, he was a cold morning icicle, clinging to life and breaking away. The queen at first bristled, only to find her hard stare softening as Nightstorm poured out his heart at her paws. And she listened, waiting until he was done, for him to get his anger out. Then, she padded toward him and pressed her face underneath his chin, brushing her pelt against his in a comforting movement.
"Oh, Nightstorm..." Tears still brimmed in her eyes, but their motive had changed, they were no longer tears full of anger, but tears full of sorrow and understanding. "You could have just talked to me..." Her face buried in his fur, she closed her eyes tightly.
"You haven't failed us. You know Lightkit was the one to offer to go with Hawkstar and Ospreyshadow." Grief tinged her every word. "Juncostar agreed. He is our leader, and undermining his decision, however painful, would cause so many problems..." The she-cat swallowed tightly.
"I know it isn't the same, but we can still see them at gatherings... You are no coward because you chose our remaining family over fighting a battle that could have ended terribly. Lightkit and Owlkit will be okay. It's Acornkit and Squirrelkit we need to protect now." She nuzzled his cheek, having to stretch to reach.
"I could be offered the most perfect, problem free life Starclan could give, but I would always choose you, Nightstorm."
Nightstorm jumped, and he never jumped. He could at least pride himself that not a sound escaped his startled countenance, but it was a small victory. His thick fur still puffed up, making him appear even larger than usual. And he was no small cat. Yet he was on the verge of quivering beneath her gaze. Pinned, like a moth behind glass. He’d faced countless battles as a senior Warrior, yet this…..this halted him.
Even as she stared, he averted her gaze so ardently that he was staring hard at one specific spot on the ground. His neck was extremely uncomfortable like this, but it was a tolerable trade-off all things considered. Looking into her eyes would be like staring straight at the sun. But when he saw water droplets stain the dirt, he raised his head to see that they were in fact, her tears. And guilt tore at him like talons.
It was time to fess up.
“O-of course it wasn’t you.” He croaked, finding his own throat constricted. But he hadn’t cried since the death of his father, and he saw no reason to start now.
“It’s just…I…..well how can you even stand to look at me?” He growled in agitation, though his body language didn’t suggest that it was aimed at her.
“I failed you. I failed all of you, the girls most of all. I swore to protect your family, yet when ThunderClan came to negotiate they walked away with half of the kits! And what did I do?” He spun about and swatted a nearby plant, which was rendered to shreds under his long claws.
“NOTHING! I just STOOD by as they were taken! Oh, sure, I protested. But when it came to it I chose not to risk banishment from you and the other children. I am a coward. I ought to have thrown caution to the wind and chased Hawkstar down, tearing the still-beating heart from his chest. Let him resurrect from that.” He spat venomously.
With the words free from imprisonment in his mind, he deflated noticeably. His anger ebbing slowly until the pounding in his ears was all but gone.
“You deserve better.”