He knew Roachwing had been growing closer and closer to the Shadowclan deputy, Mellowfrost, going out on dates, sharing prey, Skunkbreeze even thought he might have caught a glimpse of them sleeping a little too close a few nights. Deep in his heart he knew that Mellowfrost would probably be a better fit for Roachwing, but he loved Roachwing and wasn't ready to give up on his other half. Skunkbreeze always thought that he was meant to be with Hareflight, but after the two had dated for only a few moons they realized that their feelings for each other wasn't on the level of mates, just best friends. By the time they had realized this Roachwing had already began seeking out other tom cats and Skunkbreeze watched from the sideline as his soul mate ventured just out of paws reach everyday.
There in the middle of the shadowclan camp he saw the black tom cat standing a little too close to Mellowfrost, overhearing something about them looking forward to their ‘date’. It was as if he blacked out and had no control over his own motions when he found himself forcing his large frame in between Roachwing and Mellowfrost. When he finally regained control of his own movements he found himself pushed between the two, his fur meshing and melding with Roachwings own black fur. Panic washing over his face, he had to think of something, and quick, swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat Skunkbreezes head shifted to glare at the Shadowclan deputy, “Sorry Mellowfrost, but Roachwing and I already have plans today.” Moving Roachwings' blinded side, he gave the warrior an encouraging shoulder bump, “Come on Roachy, we gotta go.”
Skunkbreezes whole being relaxed the moment they stepped out of the Shadowclan camp, the black and white warrior did not have a plan or excuse to fall back on if Roachwing had turned down his invitation. Leading the black furred warrior to the old Shadowclan tunnel system, a place Shadowclan used to call home and a place where the two had often played together as kits and even as apprentices. Walking up to the tunnels Skunkbreeze was hit with all their old memories, back when they were apprentices Skunkpaw was on the patrol with his mentor Smokewisp, where Roachpaw had snuck ahead of them and waited to scare the upcoming patrol. He remembered the one time he got extremely sick and wished only for his best friend to be by his side while he recovered from practically dying. The one memory Skunkbreeze always tried to bury down, the day he learned of Roachwings accident, leaving his best friend with permanent blindness in one eye. Skunkbreeze still remembered the sheer panic pulsating through his body as he ran to the medicine cat's den to be there for his friend when he first received the news. Even now his emotions were becoming too much for him to handle as he took a glance back at Roachwing, tears swelling in his pale yellow eyes.
“What is going on with you and Mellowfrost?”
Roachwing |The Friendly Shadow of Shadowclan|
Cursing himself for appearing like a weak kitten in front of Skunkbreeze, even though he knew that the taller tom would not mind the snotty mess before him. He was not sure how the black and white tom would react with him admitting that yes he indeed loved him, but also held strong feelings for Mellowfrost. Chewing on his lower lip, a nervous habit of his, looking away from the piercing gaze of Skunk’s pale yellow eyes. He could still feel his gaze as well as the tension between them, though the stiffness had subsided between the two warriors as they confessed. It felt freeing for the tall lean warrior to get all of his pent up emotions out in the open. Sniffling softly, his cheeks burning in embarrassment as he tries to quieten his hiccups, his chest heaving as he takes deep breaths in order to calm himself. A teary smile brightening his gloomy expression as he feels the taller warrior press against him, just the warmth and scent of his love calmed Roachwing instantly. “You aren’t blind. I am.” He jokes as he playfully winks with his scarred clouded yellow eye.
He knew what Skunkbreeze meant, they had both been blind when it came to their feelings. It often had him wonder where would they be now? If they had realized and said something to one another sooner? Inwardly shaking away the dampening thoughts, he wanted to enjoy the present, to enjoy making happier memories with those he holds dear. Basking in the silence around them, giving Skunk an Eskimo kiss before they pull away. He could sense that Skunkbreeze was not overly thrilled with the mention of Mellowfrost, Roach hated to ruin their moment, but he had to be completely honest. Shuffling slightly from side to side as his nerves creeps up once more, “We don’t have to figure out everything now. I just…wanted to be honest with you. I love you and you deserve that” he mumbles as he moves closer, pressing his face into the other’s chest.
Purring in content, snuggling with Skunk, listening to the rhythmic sound of his heart. Flicking his lithe tail side to side in pure content at realizing that he would not be losing him after just getting him. “I don’t want to lose you, I think you would really like Mellowfrost if you gave him a chance.” Roach adds with a small smile. Pulling a little bit away from the other, using his paw to smack Skunk lightly on the chest. “You can start with apologizing for hitting into him” he jests before pecking him on the lips. “Will never get tired of doing that” he breathes.
What was that loud thumping sound? Is that my heart? Silently praying that the black pelted warrior couldn't hear his heart pounding roughly against his chest, almost enough to knock the air right out of him. The larger warrior never once imagined they would be here like this, the air finally clear between the two best friends. Their feelings finally out in the open, not only that but their feelings were mutual. Skunkbreeze couldn't contain the excitement building up in his paws but, if their love was mutual why wasn't Roachwing just as excited as him? Without a single mew escaping from his lips Skunkbreeze wrapped himself around the lean black warrior, his nose gently meeting with Roachwings. Resting his head on Roachwings after he slowly pulled away, “I'm sorry I left you alone Roachwing. I was blind.” Skunkbreeze couldn't say he regretted his time with Hareflight as that wouldn't be true, because he did love Hareflight but more in a platonic way. His heart only ever raced like a rabbit sprinting across the moors in Windclan when Roachwing was involved. His enticing being felt a warm fiery sensation at just the thought of Roachwing.
He felt his heart sting a little at the mention of Mellowfrost, part of him wanted to beg Roachwing to choose him but he knew that even if Roachwing chose him he would be unhappy. Skunkbreezes jaw clenched tightly his gears turning trying to figure out the right words to comfort his love. A sigh heavily fell from his lips as he realized there weren't any right words to say in this situation. The three of them were in a situation that Skunkbreeze never could have predicted. His sandpaper tongue gently meeting up with Roachwings muzzle, a purr accompanying his actions. “I can’t give you up Roachwing, not now after all this time, but I won't ask you to give up on Mellowfrost neither. I love you Roachwing. I need you, Roachwing. I will figure something out, I swear.” He wished he had an answer for their situation but Skunkbreeze was determined to figure everything out. He didn't want to see Roachwing unhappy ever again and is Mellowfrost makes him happy he would do anything for Roachwing.
Roachwing |The Friendly Shadow of Shadowclan|
Roachwing felt lightheaded and dizzy all of a sudden as Skunkbreeze’s actions were confusing to say the least. The black tom frowns as he hadn’t meant to make it sound that he only cared for Mellowfrost, he had only wanted to convey his frustration to the taller warrior. Why did Skunk think now was the time to voice his thoughts on the matter? “I uh” he stammers, trying to collect his thoughts but having a hard time doing so as he watches the black and white warrior pad around him. As if he was prowling, it made Roach a little nervous, but knew not to overthink such a thing as his dear friend often paced when agitated or nervous. “No he isn’t all I care about” he sighs out finally, licking his dry lips. Turning his head fully, his pale and clouded yellow gaze landing back on the tunnel. He was glad that the tunnel had not fully collapsed, as he had many fond memories during his apprenticeship. Slowly making his way to the mouth of the tunnel, his paw steps making light crunching sounds. Though he doesn’t move to enter, instead he turns back to Skunkbreeze. He hated seeing Skunk sad and withdrawn, it pained him so, especially with knowing it was because of him.
Letting his gaze and posture soften, “We are still Roachkit and Skunkkit. Roachpaw and Skunkpaw. Roachwing and Skunkbreeze. You…you are my rock! Why would you think otherwise?!” The shock evident in his voice. Not good enough? Why was he talking as if there was more to what he was saying? If anyone over heard their little argument or discussion, many would think the two were a couple! Not that Roachwing would mind—far from it, but after years of friendship he had accepted that Skunkbreeze did not feel the same way…not towards him or any guys for that matter. Yet, why did the tom cat before him seem jealous of his feelings for Mellowfrost? “Don’t ever say you aren’t good enough” Roachwing snaps, he would not stand for the other to degrade himself. “You have been with me through thick and thin…when my mother died, then Fearedjackal’s death, my injury, Hornetstar leaving—you have been there through it all! No matter how much I pushed you away, you are too good for me” He admits, shaking his head out in frustration. This was not how he wanted his confession to go, though if he had it his way he would have kept his feelings to himself.
The two were so close that he almost felt compelled to lean into him, to enjoy his warmth. He could feel flecks of snow clinging to his shiny obsidian pelt, but could not bring himself to move away. Not until Skunkbreeze makes the first move, ears flicking backwards slightly as he listens. Silently happy to hear his nickname still being uttered from him. Watching him for a moment as the large tom turns away and pads into the den. For a moment time slowed as Skunk’s pale yellow eyes pierce through him from within the tunnel. Sighing softly, nodding mutely as he soon follows him into the tunnel, having no reason to argue as he wanted out of the cold. It was certainly more cramped than he remembered, though the two had been considerably smaller last time. His dear friend had certainly grown and not just in height, but muscle as well. Roachwing often joked that Skunkbreeze was built like an ox, but he certainly wasn’t wrong. Pressing against the cold tunnel wall, trying to distance himself from the other, though he could still feel his body heat radiating off of him in waves, it was a comforting feeling.
After a moment of comforting silence between the two, the feline before him speaks. Lips parting in a silent ‘o’ at such a statement. He had only fallen asleep with Mellowfrost once, it was unintentional but he hadn’t mind in the slightest waking up to a sleeping Mellowfrost, it was a surreal sight. Feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment at having this brought up. The tip of his tail flicking due to his nerves, he had no idea why him being with Mellow affected him so much. Fearedjackal always did tell him, he was dense when it came to others feelings. Goose bumps forming along his body, not due to the cold, but from Skunk revealing it should be his nest. So he wasn’t reading into this? His dear best friend, his first crush, and love actually felt the same? Biting his inner cheek, refraining from interrupting. Though he could not help the gasp of surprise that leaves his lips at the confession that Hareflight was never the one…he was. “What?” He lamely says, shock still coursing through his system.
Feeling his back and shoulder blades press more firmly into the solid dirt wall as Skunk presses into him. His large cranium resting in the crook of his neck. Roach could feel his heart beating painfully hard against his chest, so loud he was certain the other could hear it. “You want me?” He mutters softly, more to himself than anything. He had longed for this moment for a long time, but was also afraid. Afraid to lose him after admitting that he wants him too but also wants Mellowfrost. That his heart was large enough to contain love for more than one feline. Leaning his head softly against Skunk’s closing his eyes as he lets himself enjoy being close to him. His throat tightens as he listens, was Skunk really willing to back off if he said that Mellowfrost was who he wanted? Would he really give up that easily? Though he said he would, his actions told a different story. Roach hadn’t even noticed he had closed his eyes until he felt him pull away. Slowly his eyelids flutter open, his eye lashes framing his cheekbones as he peers up at him. Breath hitching, eyes widening at Skunk’s words; ‘I love you.’
He barely processed anything after those three words, but when he did, it caused him to frown. Why did this confession also sound like Skunkbreeze was letting him go? Panic sinks in as he watches the black and white warrior turn away—heading for the exit of the tunnel. He was leaving? Not going to let him say anything? Just give up like that? His eyes misting with tears, disorienting his already terrible sight as he clumsily rushes after Skunkbreeze. Tripping a few times over loose stones, muttering curses each time. Freezing in his pursuit as he barely makes out the tom before him looking back at him over his shoulder to say one last thing. A choked sob escapes his throat, all he could think of was the words; ‘were’ and ‘soulmate’. Was that it? Skunkbreeze just decided to drop a bombshell on him and just leave and pretend it didn’t happen? Like hell he was! Cheeks puffing out in frustration, Skunk was not allowed to leave until he listened to what Roachwing had to say! “Oh no you don’t!’ Stomping over to him, easily slipping past in order to block his exit.
“You are an oversized toad-brain!” Tears threaten to spill, gritting his teeth as he takes a deep breath. “You cannot tell me you love me then walk away! You cannot assume you know what’s best for me” Roachwing’s voice cracks with emotion, trying to will himself not to cry. “Not until you hear what I have to say” he adds with a shaky breath. It was now or never. “I love you too! I have since we were apprentices! But I kept silent for you! For Hareflight! I did not want to jeopardize our friendship for one sided love” great here comes the water works…’why do you have to be so emotional Roach?’ Tears finally manage to escape his eyes, trailing down his cheeks, and dripping from his pointed chin. “B-but I cannot choose between you or Mellow” stuttering, forcing his gaze away. Feeling shame as he finishes, “Because I want no…I need you both” he pleads, staring down at his paws but not really seeing them.
“You have always been my soulmate…but I feel like Mellowfrost is as well” Roachwing admits with a sob.
“Is Mellowfrost all you care about?” Skunkbreeze large ears pressed tight against his broad skull, his eyes glaring at Roachwing as he spoke of his feelings for Mellowfrost. The large Shadowclan tom cat moving closer to the black feline, his paws moving him in a circles around Roachwing, feeling like if he stopped moving he would drop to the ground in a break down. Skunkbreeze always had a reason for his actions, but the way he behaves when it comes to Roachwing it was unexplainable and unpredictable. His long white tipped tail twitched anxiously as he stared at the black warrior trying to find the next words to say, the right words to say. Are there even any right words to say in this situation? Stopping beside Roachwing, his pelt just barely not touching the other, Skunkbreezes head dropped, a heavy sign leading into his next words, “Roachkit and Skunkkit, Roachpaw and Skunkpaw, Roachwing and Skunkbreeze. It has always been us…Am I not good enough for you anymore?” Skunkbreeze tried to hide how hurt he was, but the small crackling of his voice gave away his true feelings.
His nose twitched as snowflakes began to cake his nose, When did it start snowing? He hadn't even noticed the shift in weather, Skunkbreeze wanted to bump Roachwings shoulder, to encourage him to move but he hesitated, too scared to even touch his best friend now, not wanting to upset him anymore. “Come on Roachy we need to get out of the cold.” His words were soft, his movements slow as he padded into the tunnels they once called home, his large frame feeling squished by the mouth of the tunnel. It's been too long. Waves of bittersweet memories hitting him in waves. Sitting in the tunnel looking out at Roachwing, whose black pelt stood out harshly against the stark white snow, He’s beautiful. Pushing himself more against the wall, making plenty of room for Roachwing to join him. “It shouldn't be Mellowfrost nest that you sneak into every night. It should be mine.” Skunkbreeze let go of his harsh tones and facial expressions, everything about him seemed to soften up and relax once they were in the tunnel together. “I'm sorry I left you. I thought Hareflight was the one…I thought my ‘normal’ was being with Hareflight. But it was never her” Skunkbreeze was an odd tom as a kit, his paws, ears, and tail size never seemed to match with his kit body. Even his mother abandoned him because of his natural odor that he had as a kitten, going as far as to harshly name him Skunkkit before leaving him. All Skunkbreeze ever wanted was to be ‘normal’.
"It was always you"
Pressing his large farm against Roachwing, “I don't even know what ‘normal’ means anymore. I just want you.” His broadhead nestled into Roachwings neck, allowing himself to become engulfed in his sweet scent. A sigh of relief escaped his muzzle as he melted into Roachwing, it had been so long since it was just the two of them, being able to just be there in the moment. “I know you like Mellowfrost. I don’t want to stop you from pursuing him if that's what you want. I know it's selfish but I have to tell you now.” Ripping himself off of Roachwing, his pale yellow eyes blinking slowly at Roachwing. “I love you. I know you are happy with Mellowfrost, he seems like a good guy. You deserve someone like him who can make you happy.” This is for the best Skunkbreeze, you can't keep holding him back. At least that's what he told himself to try and take the sting away, but in truth Skunkbreeze wished he could have noticed his feelings sooner. In a way he always knew how he felt about Roachwing but he waited too long to act on it and now the black pelted warrior found his new happiness, and Skunkbreeze would not be the one to take that away. Padding towards the mouth of the tunnel, not quite leaving but just simply watching the snow fall from the sky, trying to find his courage to turn around and look Roachwing in the eyes once more and smile, trying to pretend to be happy for him. Come on Skunkbreeze, just say you’ll support him as he once did for you and Hareflight. Thinking he had finally found the courage to tell him, Skunkbreeze looked over his shoulder, his jaws parting to speak but his words seemed to slip his mind as he watched Roachwing, the next thing out of his muzzle, even seemed to surprise Skunkbreeze.
“You were always my soul mate Roachwing.”
Roachwing |The Friendly Shadow of Shadowclan|
A joyful laugh escapes him at a joke that Mellowfrost said, shaking his head in pure amusement. The two have grown closer to one another, their first date having been a huge success to the both of them. Being around Mellowfrost brought out a carefree part of himself that he thought he had lost a while ago. It felt natural to be close to the cream and brown deputy, just as natural as it felt with Skunkbreeze. It was overwhelming at times, with how complex his emotions have become in the short amount of time that he spent with Mellow. As it was one thing to believe you could love more than one feline, but to actually feel it? A whole different story for Roachwing. It honestly scared him with how much he has grown to care for the charming deputy, even though he knew the other felt the same—at least he hoped to the certain degree as he. It was often hard for the obsidian warrior to truly voice his emotions, as more times than not he would have used his mischievous charm or sarcastic quip to avoid such confrontation. The only time he could remember letting out how he felt was the time Skunkbreeze had basically ignored him during their apprenticeship. The black and white tom had been so caught up with Hareflight to even consider the thought he was leaving his best friend behind. He had let his anger and jealousy fester for so long until the point that just seeing Skunkbreeze remain oblivious to his actions had set him off.
Roach had not been proud of how he acted, but it had at least gotten his frog-brain of a friend to see reason. Yet—now he could not help but feel guilty for basically doing the same in return. Course, after his first date with Mellow, Roachwing had told Skunkbreeze, wanting to share a moment that had made him truly happy. At first, his dear friend seemed overjoyed, possibly a little too overjoyed or too forced. Now though, he could tell that Skunk was not as supportive as he tried to be. It gave Roach a flicker of hope that maybe—just maybe Skunkbreeze held deeper feelings for him than best friends? With that thought, anxiety and self-doubt would flicker alive. If Skunk loved him, how would he react to Roach loving Mellow and him? Would he be disgusted and repulsed? Scoffing with disbelief and calling him selfish for wanting and needing them both equally? For that he remain uncertain and why he tried to push his passionate feelings for the tall black and white warrior. He could not be selfish and risk years of friendship by confessing his feelings.
With Mellowfrost, it is a freeing and playful love. As he knows where he stands with him, their emotions out in the open as they flirt, laugh, and simply indulge in the other’s company. A love that Roach wanted to fully explore and expand on. He craves to see just how far their love could go. With Skunk it was a different story, he is a first love. The type that was planted within him years ago and continued to grow no matter how hard he tried to make the love wither away. It has gotten harder for Roach to simply remain friends with him as he could not help but want more. A small grin in place as he lovingly nudges Mellowfrost’s shoulder, enjoying the small and simple touches. He had been too focused on the deputy that he hadn’t even noticed a certain warrior making his way towards them. It wasn’t until he felt himself being lightly yet forcefully moved sideways. Brows furrowing as Skunkbreeze wedged himself between them. What was he doing? It was so unusual to see him act such a way. Having to turn his head fully to look upon Skunk, missing the panic look and seeing the small glare on the large warrior to their deputy. Eyes widening at the tension growing between the three of them, what in Starclan?! Roachwing was so flabbergasted that it took him a moment to register that he was now being led outside of camp. Plans? When did we make plans? Looking over his shoulder, his gaze softening at Mellowfrost. Hating seeing the confused and maybe even irritated look. Flashing a reassuring and sheepish smile. Roach would definitely have to make it up to him later and apologize for Skunk’s behavior.
Feeling the other’s form pressing almost possessively against him caused goose bumps to form along his flesh, thankful for his black pelt. Frowning in displeasure at how Skunk acted in camp, irritation clinging onto him. Biting his lip to refrain from yelling and snapping at the other. Instead he remains silent-waiting to see if the warrior beside him would break the silence and explain himself. Silence thickens between them, noticing immediately that he was being lead to the infamous tunnels—his place since he was an apprentice. The two having explored each tunnel, memorizing each turn and destination from moons/years of exploring. Tail lashing as his patience continues to dwindle. Was he not going to say anything? Pausing at the lip of the tunnel, parting his lips, getting ready to demand answers as he turns fully to Skunkbreeze. Eyes narrowed to convey his boiling feelings. Studying the taller warrior, spotting the mistiness of his pale yellow eyes. Freezing in surprise as he hadn’t expected so much hidden emotion, ears twitching at the words echoing around him, ‘What is going on with you and Mellowfrost?’ Such a simple question, but one that had him stumped.
Pursing his lips, “You know.” He states with an arched brow, not like he hid his feelings for Mellow or for Skunk for that matter. “I told you about the date I went on. I enjoy his company and the way he makes me feel. It’s not complicated and it’s real! At least it was until that little stunt you pulled!” Roachwing snaps, shaking his head. ‘Oh I hope Mellow talks to me again’ he thought before scoffing to himself. “You had no right or business to basically herd me off! Now Mellowfrost probably doesn’t want to see me again” he groans in exasperation. Why was Skunkbreeze doing this now? He had come to terms that Skunk did not feel the same, so why did his sudden actions contradict those thoughts. This was confusing—he felt so confused as he stares up at his dear friend and first love. “Why are you doing this?” He mutters, his chin tilting downwards, suddenly finding his paws more interesting.