the young tom blinked sleep out of his eyes as sunlight filtered into the apprentice's den. he stretched himself out and gave a long yawn, his body shuddering with the effort. glancing around, he saw most of his denmates had already left for their daily tasks. but his brother was still here at least. ashenpaw felt a bit safer with wolfpaw close by, and whilst they didn't always sleep in nests next to each other, it was comforting to know that his brother was sharing the same den as him. they had been each other's rock in the hard first six moons of their lives. having not been named a mentor yet, ashenpaw didn't have any specific training duties to do, and as a result he found himself helping purely to keep the boredom away.
standing up, the tom moved over to his brother, before winding himself around him, beginning to groom the fur on his head idly. if wolfpaw woke, he didn't show any kind of acknowledgement. he couldn't help but think that wolfpaw must look like their father... or, he liked to think so. he didn't know what their father looked like. it was sad, really. he hadn't wanted them, so why did he care so much? with a sigh, ashenpaw's ears flattened as his mind wandered to their mother.
pepper, the pretty kittypet, who they would have been proud to show off to the other clan cats, as she was the best mother the kits could have wished for. and yet, their twolegs had to ruin that for them by throwing them outside and hoping that the elements finished them off. curling closer around his brother, ashenpaw shuddered as he felt the panic rise in his throat. what if wolfpaw did the same? what if he lost wolfpaw?! if his brother died, ashenpaw didn't know what he would do with himself. and...he didn't want to think about it either. kneading at the ground with his paws, a soft whimper escaped the young tom as his breathing quickened with the escalating anxiety.
ashenpaw
skyclan apprentice
in some ways, ashenpaw felt alien still among the skyclan cats, but they had made the young toms feel so welcome that he knew that they would be cared for here. he had always been the more afraid, and fretful of the two. as his brother licked the top of his head, his ears flicked and he let out a contented, rumbling purr. nodding at his question, he lay his chin back down on his paws.
"i'm hungry, yeah..." he always had a big appetite, he supposed it came with being unsure of where your food would come from for so long that you gorge yourself when you do have access to food. "we should probably go out hunting, though..." he mewed, "to make up for the fact we're taking from the pile..." giving his ears an anxious flick, he rose to his paws and bow in a big stretch.
⊱ ────── {⋅. ✦ .⋅} ────── ⊰ Wolfpaw ⊱ ────── {⋅. ✦ .⋅} ────── ⊰
The young tom was quiet, patient as his brother buried his muzzle into his unruly fur and attempted to calm himself. He was still blinking sleep from his eyes, but even in his drowsy state he was aware enough to lean against his sibling, resting cheek against temple, listening as Ashenpaw shared his burdens.
When they were alone in the wilds, nothing was certain. Where they would sleep, what their next meal would be or if they would even manage to find one, what strange outsider they might run into and if they might be aggressive. The yearning for their mother who they had been torn from, her face only a memory anymore, the vibrancy of her scent slowly fading away.
Wolfpaw had always done his best to be a rock for his sibling, swallowing his own apprehension to calm the other as best he could. Things were different now, easier with a safe place to sleep, but that didn't mean all of the bad just went away.
"It's okay, I think I was sleeping in too late again anyway." The apprentice spoke with a small shrug of lean shoulders, feeling a pang in his chest at what his brother said next. "Yeah... I still dream about them sometimes." He admitted, turning to groom the top of Ashenpaw's head, tail tip twitching idly from where it still rested atop his flank. He didn't have the answers to such worries, as much as he might've wished to. "Are you hungry? I can go and find us something." The question came softly as Wolfpaw struggled to find a way to make the other feel better, finding himself instead habitually trying to make sure his needs were met.
ashenpaw
skyclan apprentice
it was always hard, when his anxiety got bad. the young apprentice had been the weaker of the two when they were in the wild, fending for themselves. his anxiety attacks still carried through to present day. when he thought too much about the misfortune they had suffered, not knowing when their next meal would come, not knowing what danger would come upon them, he felt his heart rate spike and he felt nauseous.
but all of a sudden, as he was feeling his throat constrict and his breathing quicken, he felt wolfpaw touch the top of his head with his nose. blinking the pained expression from his face, ashenpaw pressed his muzzle into his brother's fur, breathing in his scent to slow his anxious breaths.
"i'm sorry..." he started, "did i wake you up?" he felt as if he woke wolfpaw up constantly, with nightmares, and anxiety attacks.
"i was just thinking about our mother...and...our father. again." it was always the same. worrying about the fact they had been abandoned, desperately hoping that they would be able to be a happy family again.
⊱ ────── {⋅. ✦ .⋅} ────── ⊰ Wolfpaw ⊱ ────── {⋅. ✦ .⋅} ────── ⊰
Things here were still new, still uncertain, still not quite feeling like home.
The pair of siblings had found this place by luck, struggling to survive in the harsh world they had been thrown into without a clue on how to navigate it. Adjustment to the new environment didn't exactly come naturally, but it was at least better than one more night in the woods alone, scavenging for scraps of food that they could find to hold them over one more day, nosing around for someplace warm to sleep hidden from the elements.
The movement of his sibling settling around him stirred Wolfpaw from his sleep, the brown bridge of his nose scrunching up a little at the warm rasp of a tongue top his head, but otherwise still as he tried to find his way back into the warm blanket of sleep. It was no use, though, as his sibling only seemed to grow more anxious, the movement of his paws and the pitiful sound that escaped him bringing Wolfpaw's head up.
The young tom twisted himself around to face his brother, bumping a cold nose against his forehead to bring him back to reality. The apprehension and uncertainty of survival were hard to shake and he, too, often felt as if he was walking some thin line of being dumped right back into that unforgiving wilderness.
"It's okay, we're okay." His voice came, still heavy with sleep, letting his tail fall over Ashenpaw's flank. Though this clan had accepted them into their home and offered them their customs, it was hard to shake the thought process drilled into his head that they were all one another had. The gray-toned apprentice would be the first to swallow his misgivings, if it meant being steadfast and steady for his sibling.