Anxiety courses through Scarletpaw’s veins as she fled back to camp, the recent events of the gathering just moments prior, flashing through her head and threatening to flood her lungs with fumes of suffocation. The daughter of Auroraskies and Firestar scrambled up the winding trail that led to Skyclan’s camp clearing. Her paws feeling as though she were walking on a trail of ember and coal, and her stomach churning like a violent storm coursing through her.
She could feel the burning sting of the gash in her shoulder, of which she received from the Ripper as a warning to keep in her place. The warm and wet red liquid bubbled and flowed down her leg, seeping through her fur, and leaving behind droplets as she stumbled back into camp. Every breath she took was like icicles stabbing her lungs, bitter and glacial. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, and she wanted nothing more than to vanish into thin air.
The skittish apprentice slowed down into a hobble, as she broke through the camp’s entrance, and only made it a few paw steps in before she crumpled into an anxious heap. Her breathing erratic and tears trailing down her cheeks, as she choked down miserable wails.
She had been so frightened, so terrified. She had never planned to push her way forth and confront the Ripper and Desertrain, but she had, and she earned a wound – the price she paid for defiance. Had she been alone, surely, she would have been slaughtered. It was only by the grace of all the Clans being there that she was still alive.
Without the clans, she would have ended up like all of the rest of Renly’s mutilated victims.
The very thought of her own mangled corpse- splattered all over in some remote place in Skyclan’s territory, it haunted her every time she dared closed her eyes in an attempt to stop crying. So, she didn’t close her eyes, and let them sting with the fire of her overwhelming emotions.
Why had she done such a thing? She didn’t know, it was as though something had possessed her, she hadn’t been in control of her actions.
What was wrong with her?
Why was she like this?
I hate myself; I hate myself. I’m such a mousebrain. I could have been killed!
Scarletpaw remained silent as her mother spoke, and a flicker sparked in her heart and burned with embers, as she softly imparted an apology to her over her failure to protect. She could feel her mother's guilt like a violent storm surrounding them from all sides, leaving them to struggle hopelessly against it. She couldn't understand it, why her mother was apologizing, then again, she didn't understand a lot of what was going on. Especially the part where somehow her mother knew Renly, but she didn't care much about that. Whatever had happened with her mother in the past, she honestly didn't care. Whoever her mother was then, it was irrelevant now. Scarletpaw had never known her mother to be anything other than compassionate, loving, and loyal to her clan, to Firestar, and to Scarletpaw and her many siblings. As Auroraskies cleaned up her wound, the sting of it ebbed away and became numb, for the feelings in her heart were much louder than some dull sting, she took in a deep breath and steadied herself. After a moment or two, Scarletpaw looked up into her mother's eyes, the fear beginning to fade from her own as she shook her head firmly.
"It's not your fault, mama. I'm responsible for my own actions, and I'm the one that put myself in danger like that, I just... for once wanted to be brave like you and dad. What happened has taught me a lesson, though. Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared, it means you act despite fear- but there's also another thing..." Her eyes shimmered like the sun that graced the lands of which they walked. "Bravery doesn't mean you go looking for trouble, like I did. You don't just recklessly throw yourself into harm's way. Bravery is complicated, and sometimes an action you take isn't brave, it's just reckless and foolish. It's my fault for putting myself in danger, you don't have anything to apologize for." She sniffled as she rose up a paw and wiped away the last droplets of tears still soaking her cheeks. "Papa looked at me with such disapproval when I tried to speak out, I know now why he did. I was being a fool, and could have gotten myself killed for nothing. So, please don't feel like you failed me, mama. I failed myself, and nobody else. From here on I need to find my own path to bravery."