Hawkstar was a shadow, less than a cloud passing over the moon as he flitted featherlight across enemy territory. It was the dead of night, the frozen ground prone to unforgivingly noises footsteps. But he required darkness. With his black pelt, it was his only ally when it came to being sneaky. And StarClan knew, if he was caught there would be blood. It was idiotic, suicidal even. But not exactly out of character. And he had a few lives to spare, after all.
Also on his side was the lack of patrols at this hour. Though it did not include night guards, he was not surprised to see the entrance well guarded. Though he was not so dense as to try and waltz through the front door. Instead he hugged the frigid earth with his slender body and slunk around the thorn-fence barrier until he knew that he was separated from Juncostar’s den by a few brambles. He used his mouth to make a small hole, snapping twigs and bending back sprouts. It did create some noise, though Juncostar was the only cat it was likely to disturb, barring any major issues. It wasn't long before he’d made an opening big enough to fit through. He was lucky to be as small and slight as he was, he thought while squeezing his way in. The den was nice and warm, and there was something inviting about the way Juncostar was sprawled across his nest like someone had just tossed him there haphazardly.
Reluctantly Hawkstar nudged him in the ribs with a paw, gently at first, then increasing with urgency when he failed to rouse.
“Juncostar? Psssst, hey, wake up.” He hissed.
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
It was a mess trying to organize this evacuation. Juncostar didn't think he'd be trying this again any time soon. Through all the commotion, even he didn't see Hawkstar leave, however, so he was sure it'd be enough to get the job done. He went through the motions, accounting for every-cat while he counted silently to give Hawkstar plenty of time to get away from the camp. With every warrior together at the moment, it wouldn't be pretty if they came face to face with the ThunderClan leader.
When he was satisfied that he'd given his friend the chance to escape, Juncostar led his Clan back into camp. He made a quick excuse to Mercuryrose before ducking back out of camp, taking off in the direction of the ThunderClan border. His legs were burning by the time he reached it, his breathing heavy. He slowed to a trot as he came to the tree he'd described, and he rounded it to find Hawkstar nestled among its roots. He returned the gesture as the other tom touched his nose, his tail waving behind him happily. "Oh, I totally did that on purpose," he joked in response to the comment on the drill.
Hope flashed in his eyes as the ThunderClanner suggested a next time, and he felt his heart skip a beat. A flustered smile grew on his lips, and he shuffled his forepaws over the dirt below him as he attempted to calm his nerves. Surely he was still just on edge from the escape, right? "I... would love to have a next time," he agreed quietly. Ears falling to his skull as he realized how pitiful he must've sounded just then, Juncostar cleared his throat, shaking his head as though to clear it. A goofy grin touched his lips, and he giggled softly. "I did have a lot of fun. I hope we can do it again soon; 'promise I'll work on the fire drill while I'm waiting." Turning a disappointed gaze toward ThunderClan's side of the border, the tom breathed a sigh. "Well... I guess you should be getting back, huh? Some-cat's probably noticed you're gone," he reasoned, stepping forward to nuzzle Hawkstar affectionately. "Come back any time you want, okay?"
Hawkstar’s cheek burned where Juncostar’s muzzle had been, even moments after he’d left the den. Waiting patiently, he poked his head out after he heard the sounds of numerous footsteps and voices had gone up around the hollow. Ideally he would have waited until it had died down, but it rather seemed to be dragging on a bit, and he saw why when he stepped outside.
There was no order to what he was witnessing. Apprentices were going this way, Elders going that way, and in the middle Juncostar and Mercuryrose were attempting to wrangle the collective chaos. Oh, buddy, that’s really not how you do it. Hawkstar thought, cringing internally. Though he supposed that disorder was what they needed– here he stood in the camp and no one had even noticed yet– but the trees here were just as flammable as they were in ThunderClan. And he had no desire to see anyone here lost in a fire. Well, maybe Mercuryrose……okay, okay, no. But if she singed her tail a bit it would be a little funny.
But he couldn’t stand here all day, even if the schadenfreude was a touch amusing. Sticking to the edge of camp, he slunk low and slithered out of the back exit like a snake. He was already mentally patting himself on the back when he ran headlong into another cat. Head throbbing, he jerked back and sped off in the other direction before he could get a proper look at them, or they him. With any luck they’d think he was simply a black-furred Clanmate, as he was still lacking his signature bandanna from the stealth trip the night before.
He finally let himself breathe when he reached the ThunderClan border. It was just after dawn, and a strong scent of Briarstep, Chanterellefrost, Dawnpool and Redpaw told him that he’d only just missed the morning patrol. Still, he rested in a hollow formed by exposed tree roots so that in case anyone else passed by they would see nothing more than a shadow with eyes.
Panting breaths and galloping steps hinted at Juncostar’s arrival long before he saw even a whisker of him. When he came into view, Hawkstar slunk out and greeted him with a shaky touch of their noses.
“Glad you got away! I can’t believe that worked.” He laughed, shaking his head. “You’ve got a thing or two to learn about fire drills, I think an actual fire would’ve been less crazy.” He mrrowed.
“I’ll have to tell you about it next time…er, if you want there to be a next time.” He ducked his head. “It was pretty fun though…..right? The you and me part, not the almost getting caught part. Well, maybe some of that too.”
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
As Hawkstar batted gently at his muzzle, Juncostar leaned into the touch, nuzzling against the other tom's paw. He smiled softly as his friend recounted his journey with Chanterellefrost, feeling himself slipping in and out of consciousness. He didn't think he'd felt this comfortable in his nest since Tigershadow had been there. It was hard for him to believe that just days before they'd been at war.
As Hawkstar fell silent, he found himself finally drifting off to sleep, curling tighter against him. It certainly was a dangerous thing to be doing, but Juncostar couldn't help himself.
--
Completely oblivious to Hawkstar's panic, Juncostar laid, heavily asleep, in his nest until he felt a prodding in his ribs. He stirred slowly, opening his eyes to find the ThunderClan leader's face staring back at him. A lazy grin grew on his lips as he blinked sleep from his eyes, and he mumbled, "Well good morning, beautiful." It took him entirely too long to realize what had happened, and when it finally hit him, his head snapped up and a wide-eyed look of horror settled onto his face. "Oh no," he breathed, stomach dropping.
Beginning to fret, he struggled in vain to think of some way to get Hawkstar out of their camp without any-cat seeing him. "What are we gonna do?" he panicked, tapping his forepaws against the floor of his den anxiously. He turned a confused gaze on the other tom, shaking his head slowly at the suggestion. "We've never done one'a those," he admitted, though he could see how something like that would work... so long as Mercuryrose didn't see through it. "StarClan," he cursed quietly, "Mercuryrose is gonna ground me if she finds out." His voice was a whimper, his ears falling to his skull as his shoulders slumped.
Breathing a heavy sigh, Juncostar pushed himself to his paws, shaking out his fur as he attempted to steady his breathing. This wasn't gonna work if he looked uncomfortable; he had to make it believable. "Okay," he hummed, tapping his forepaws once more. "Let's do this, then. I'm gonna call a Clan meeting, and we'll get every-cat out of the camp for you. I'll meet up with you on the way to the border. There's this tree over there that got hit by lightning; it's all burnt 'n stuff, cracked a little. I'll meet you there. Good luck," he explained, leaning forward to nuzzle Hawkstar affectionately before slipping out of his den to call the meeting and begin evacuating the camp.
“Oh goodness, let’s see…” Hawksar murmured sleepily, rolling on his back to gaze up at Juncostar. He couldn’t resist batting at his muzzle slightly with a curled paw. His adorable face was just there, being all…..adorable.
“I suppose it was three or four moons? Chant was only just pregnant when we left, though we didn’t know it at the time. Then we had to deal with some assassins pursuing my mother. They took me captive! Chant, my mom and her new mate had to rescue me. Then we took it easy until the birth, and departed when the kits were walking.”
“It was quite harrowing on the way home. Ever traveled through twolegplace with three curious kits? I don’t recommend it. Still…” He sighed wistfully. “I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.” His eyes fluttered shut, as he played the images in his head of his oldest kits when they were only just born. The memory was fuzzier than it used to be. Or was it he who had changed? Slowly his mind slipped away, as against the warmth of Juncostar sleep overtook him.
An annoying bird was chirping.
Damned cardinal, it never lets me sleep in. Hawkstar thought irritably, flopping over in his nest to stuff his ears full of moss. Only to roll right into something furry and warm.
His eyes flew open to take in the sight of Juncostar’s den, and a peacefully sleeping Juncostar sprawled beside him. He was momentarily disarmed by how precious the other tom seemed when unconscious. He had not woken up beside another cat in quite a few moons– the writing on the wall with Chanterellefrost had long preceded their parting. Hawkstar took a moment just to study Juncostar’s face, relaxed and blank under the veil of dreams.
WAIT. Crap.
Panic interrupted their little moment. He was here, having fallen asleep in the den of another Clan Leader in their camp. It was not as if he could simply get up and walk out the way he came. The sun was up, ShadowClan was bustling and going about its day blissfully unaware that their least favorite ThunderClan cat was in their midst. It was no small miracle that no one had happened upon them while they were both still asleep.
“Juncostar! Juncostar!” He hissed, jabbing the other tom in the side with a forepaw.
We fell asleep! It’s daytime!” He meowed, trying to keep his voice low despite his panicked state. “How am I going to get back to ThunderClan? Oh gods, I hope no one’s noticed I’m missing.”
He stood to pace, fluttering about the den restlessly.
“We need a distraction. We do fire drills in ThunderClan. Do you do them here? It might give me cover to slip out in the chaos.”
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
Juncostar froze for a second as Hawkstar laid his head across his paws. He almost felt afraid to move, a weird tingly feeling growing in his belly. He couldn't help the uncomfortable giggle that escaped him in response to such a feeling, but soon enough he was snuggling in. He lowered himself to his belly, resting his own chin over Hawkstar's shoulder. His tail tapped quietly against the floor of his den as he listened to his friend speak, and he shook his head in response to the other tom's question.
"Beats me," he answered honestly, "I try not to think about it too hard. 'Hurts my brain." A goofy grin spread across his lips, his ears falling against his skull. He almost thought he could sleep just like this, curled up against Hawkstar. A soft purr grew in his chest, and his eyelids fluttered closed as he listened to the ThunderClanner recount the memories he shared with Chanterellefrost. There was something in the tone of his voice that comforted Juncostar as he spoke of his ex-mate. He was glad to hear no resentment; it was a relief that he could still enjoy the good memories they'd shared.
"I guess that's one way to do it," he joked, shaking his head momentarily. "How long were you gone? I've never left ShadowClan; sometimes I wonder what's all out there. There's gotta be some crazy stuff to see outside the forest."
Hawkstar let Juncostar’s advice roll around in his mind, picking up his own thoughts like a stone picked up moss. The words loosely resembled a tiny voice he’d been ignoring, a voice he’d misidentified as ego out of fear that it was pride. He saw now that it had only been his conscience, trying to keep him from beating himself up too much.
“I…yeah, I hadn’t thought about it quite like that.” He grinned bashfully, feeling a bit stupid, though relieved as well.
“Why is it so much easier telling our kids what to do?” He groaned, sliding down a bit, though still plastered to the warmth and comfort of his friend. Shifting, he laid his head across Juncostar’s paws lazily.
“You know I’d only just gotten my Warrior name when our first litter was born? After the mess with the rogues…now there’s a story for later.. Chant and I had been on a trip to see my mother. She fell pregnant and gave birth on our way home. We carried our kittens back to ThunderClan.”
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
Juncostar listened quietly as his friend spoke; he could feel the emotion in his words, and though it made him a little uncomfortable facing such strong feelings, he was glad that Hawkstar trusted him with them. At the other tom's touch, he leaned closer. "I don't think you did anything wrong," he soothed, dipping his head to touch his forehead to Hawkstar's own briefly. "Actually, I think maybe you're onto somethin'," he added, "I think that this all was just 'cause you grew up. You both did, and it wasn't working the same as it did before. These things just kinda happen sometimes, and it doesn't mean that any-cat did something to make it happen."
Pulling back a little to look his friend in the eye, Juncostar offered a soft smile. "Y'know, you don't give yourself enough credit. The fact that you can admit that it didn't work means you're a lot smarter than some other cats might'a been. It's better for every-cat, especially your kits, that you two end the relationship if the spark isn't there anymore," he explained, "It's better to walk away than let your kits think that they need to stay with some-cat they don't love, just because they did once. I know I wouldn't want that for Aspenpaw."
Shifting his paws in discomfort, he couldn't help but frown at what Hawkstar said next. "Well if it means anything, I don't think you'll go back to being what you were before," he offered in an attempt to comfort the ThunderClanner. "I mean, we hated each other just a few days ago; and look at what you just did, sneaking into my den in the middle of the night," he teased, nudging the other tom with his shoulder playfully. "If that doesn't make you believe you've changed, I don't think anything will. You're a good tom, with or without Chanterellefrost. I don't think you have anything to worry about."
“Humble, too.” Hawkstar mrrowed softly, his amber eyes sparking like live embers. Even though he’d come with so many burdens, around his close colleague he felt them melt away as so much snow in the morning sun.
“So, yeah. I don’t know if you and Chant ever met. But we’ve been together since before we’d quite earned our names. I’ve died for her. We’ve had each other's backs when we were miles from home, and she’s the mother of my children. She represents everything I never believed I could be when I was an angry young tom, alone in the world.”
He leaned against Juncostar, finding himself in need of a physical anchor.
“Things have been different for quite awhile, I guess you’d call it a rut. Going through the motions. I wondered if maybe something was off, but then I thought maybe, this is how it is when you grow up?”
He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
“It’s not like I’ve had great role models. My parents weren’t even serious mates, I barely knew my dad until my mom dumped me on him when I was eight moons old. I swore I’d be different.”
He said, then laughed caustically and shook his head.
“Well isn’t that the way of things? When she approached me, I realized she’d been feeling it too. And that it wasn’t good to stay with someone you no longer loved.” His throat was beginning to tighten. He’d been good up until now, but he’d ever been so naive as to trust he’d be able to speak of these matters with a dry eye.
“So that was it. We agreed we’re different cats now. And if she thinks it, then she’s right. Always has been. So much smarter than me…” With a trembling lip, a small sob escaped him. It was quiet, for he was doing his best to remember just where he was right then.
“But now I’m wondering, what does it mean? She was my true north, her love was the beginning of the best changes in my life. If I’ve stopped loving her, does that mean I’ve gone wrong somehow?” He whimpered.
“I don’t want to go back to how I was. Hateful, angry, alone. I don’t want to be that tom again. I want to believe I’ve changed– and maybe I did for a while! But now it feels like I’m going backwards. And I'm taking ThunderClan with me.”
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
With a small snort, Juncostar shook his head in response to Hawkstar's nonchalant demeanor. He had to admit, however, how impressive it was that the other tom had managed to get even this far. He didn't know if that spoke to the other tom actually having some skill, or if it meant his warriors were irresponsible with defending their camp from intruders. He'd have to work on that, he supposed.
He was caught off guard when Hawkstar so openly admitted to just wanting to see him. He blinked silently, as though trying to process what he'd just heard. Why did those words make his stomach twist like that? He didn't have long to ponder it, as soon enough the ThunderClanner was revealing the real reason he'd needed to see him. Juncostar's expression softened, and he moved to press close to his friend. He stopped short when Hawkstar began speaking again, gut twisting painfully.
A weak grin touched his lips, expression guarded as he stood a single step from the other tom. "I'm a good choice, ain't I?" he joked, "Who wouldn't pick me?" He settled on his haunches, pulling his tail to rest over his paws. "I'm always here to talk," he soothed, but of course had to ruin it with another pitiful attempt to lighten the mood. "It's one of the many things I'm really good at." Reaching a paw out, Juncostar laid it gently over Hawkstar's own. "Come on, then," he invited softly, "Let's talk."
There was something so endearing about Juncostar’s bedhead and bleary eyes. Hawkstar took a moment to appreciate those qualities.
“I have many skills.” Was all he said on the matter, winking. There was no need to delve into excruciating detail about how hard it had been to enter undetected, it made it all seem less ‘cool’ if he admitted how much effort he’d expended just to be here. Though he was missing an important moniker– his trusty bandanna was nowhere on his person. He’d wisely left it back at home, figuring that trying a stealth mission whilst also wearing a neon orange target was a level of stupid even he was too good for.
“Well, I’ll just have to not get caught then, won’t I?” He purred, though there was an air of unease that belied his casual affect. He hadn’t snuck in just to brag about having done so, after all.
“I just um, I wanted to see you.” He admitted, letting the facade fall away. It was tiring to upkeep. “My mate, Chanterellefrost and I, well…we’ve separated.” He admitted, scuffling his paws like a kitten caught breaking the rules. In truth he didn’t feel guilty about it, per se. They’d not ended things because of anything he’d done, exactly. But neither was it cause for joy.
“And I, it’s stupid but– you’re like my best friend okay? I guess I just wanted to tell you, to talk to someone about it.” He looked up, amber eyes round and pleading.
Juncostar
shadowclan leader
(he/him)
He was sprawled in his nest, belly exposed and legs splayed. Juncostar had always slept this way, somehow taking up much more space than one would expect from a small tom. He didn't seem to notice when Hawkstar entered his den, except for the weak attempt to pull away from the prodding at his ribs. A groan escaped him as he rolled over, still asleep. At the sound of a voice next to him, however, the tom woke with a start, scrambling to his paws with wide eyes and a fluffed tail. Blood rushed behind his ears, his heart hammering in his throat at the panic that had set in upon being woken up.
Slowly calming as he realized it had just been Hawkstar to wake him, Juncostar took a few deep breaths. "Oh, it's just you," he sighed in relief. "You can't do that to me; I 'bout had a heart attack! Next time you gotta--" He stopped short, finally realizing that Hawkstar had just woken him up in his den. "Hey, wait," he whispered, head turning as he glanced toward the entrance of his den. "How did you get in here?" he demanded, speaking quickly. "If you get caught in our camp, you'll be lucky to walk out with your ears still on your head!" he warned, tapping his forepaws against the floor of his den nervously.