Blackthorn’s silhouette fell across the moonlit den entrance as he shadowed the archway, his body language lingering and uncertain. A young hare swung from his jaws, which he placed beside Edgefrost’s nest letting his whiskers run over his ears as a way of intimate greeting among grieving kinsmen.
“You should eat,” His voice was barely above a whisper, so as not to disturb the other occupants. “The kits are fast asleep, and starvation benefits none of us.” Blackthorn tried his best to school his voice into a compassionate one, though it took a herculean effort on his part. Their mutual loss clawed at his insides like a hunger that could not be satiated. The only thing stopping him from taking off to search for Snowstar himself was the knowledge that it would do Edgefrost and the kits no good to lose another cat that they cared for. And care for him they did, much as he was mystified by it. What had he ever done for any of them? For Snowstar, now he would never know.
Blackthorn simply nodded, he had little advice to offer where childrearing was concerned. He could have hardly imagined any of them would be parents way back then. Let alone the predicament they faced now.
“Eh?” He was genuinely caught off guard by Edgefrost’s question, and couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was hardly appropriate- he knew. But his own situation was such a parody of a balanced response. He found it funny, even if the scars still smarted a bit. “You know what I did, Edge, I decided to be her even if it meant denying everything I already was.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t recommend that coping mechanism.”
He got to his feet.
“Yeah, let’s get you out of here.” He grinned weakly, and led the way out.
“I don’t know what to do either honestly. But I can only promise to be by your side.”
Edgefrost
Riverclan Warrior
It was silent for a moment, the large Maine Coon taking in Blackthorn’s words. At the moment, Edge didn’t want pity. No, what mattered was his children. Feeling his friend’s tail resting softly on his shoulder, the tom released a small sigh. “I’ll get through this, I always do.” Edge said, narrowing his eyes. In due time, he would be able to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Would he handle it easily? No. Although, he knew that at the end of the day that it was his boys’ happiness that counted the most to him.
“I just don’t know how to explain it to the younger litter when they grow older, or handle it with my first litter.. I feel like it’s harder because they know what’s happening, and I wanna tell them that everything is ok..” Edge muttered, feeling himself become guarded in that moment. He was extremely protective of them, even when their mother was more of the helicopter parent than him. Their well-being came before his own.
Turning to looking at Blackthorn, he arched an eyebrow a bit “How did you cope.. With losing Bloomwhisker?” He questioned, a frown appearing on his lips. It was going to be a new chance, being a single parent.. But Edge was confident that he would be strong enough to handle such a challenge, after all.. He wasn’t alone in this new change at all.
“I don’t know what to do..” Edge whispered, lowering his head and thinking to himself for a couple of moments. The relationship between himself and Snowstar entered his mind like flashbacks. The tom mainly wanted to know why she left, why did she leave the kits behind? Letting out a loud sigh, Edge got up from his nest and shook the moss that remained in his long fur. This whole situation was a mess, but he would figure out everything within time. “I may step out for a bit and just take a breather, feel like I’m suffocating in this den” Edge grumbled, narrowing his eyes when turning to his best friend
“Wanna join me?”
"I know." Was all Blackthorn could think to say. The feelings that hung heady in the air between them were too big for words.
"I don't...have any sage advice that's gonna make this hurt less. It just sucks." He plopped down, laying beside the tightly wound form of Edgefrost, his own feathery black tail coming to rest across the other tom's shoulders in what he hoped was a comforting touch.
"I do know a day will come when it doesn't hurt quite so much. It doesn't go away- anyone who says that is plain lying." He paused to give a caustic laugh. "But...when Bloomwhisker died, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'm not sure when I started breathing again, really, but I think it was when you and Snowstar saw me for who I really was." Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, and he blinked to let down roll down his cheeks.
It was silent in the warriors den, felines of different ages and sizes were climbing into their nests to call it a night, some of them cuddled together and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Edgefrost was hunched over his nest, his dark green gaze was staring into the nest. The large black and gray Maine Coon was silent, not speaking a word to anyone. A couple of cats attempted to speak with him, only for him to ignore him. The only feline that seemed to even manage to get a sentence out of him today was Sleekfeather, otherwise his attention was mainly on his children. Galepaw was taking Snowstar’s departure the hardest, the young tom shutting himself down. Sleetpaw pretended that he was okay, while Edge had to comfort a crying Jaypaw.
The younger litter was still a bit too young to understand, but Edge knew he had to answer that certain question one day. Letting out a soft sigh through his nostrils through his nose when hearing someone approaching the nest “Fuck off.” The tom muttered mainly to himself, but heard the noise of a piece of prey dropping beside his den. It wasn’t until hearing the familiar voice of his best friend, but Edge never looked the black tom’s direction but instead kept looking on the ground.
He didn’t want pity, that’s why he was closed off.
Edge’s lips began forming into a snarl, attempting to scare the other tom away. However it didn’t work. It was silent for a moment, Edge was silent for a moment. He knew that the other feline wouldn’t move. Blackthorn was always so stubborn.. Maybe that’s why he got along so well with Snowstar. The tom didn’t feel like eating, it was the last thing on his mind while having to pick up the pieces that Snowstar left behind. It was silent for a moment, before letting out a couple of words. His rough voice was harsh from not really drinking water today, in all honesty.. He was just extremely tired.
“I loved her more than anything”